Hunting Accident in Alaska

A guy, out hunting in Alaska, accidentally shoots a polar bear. Realising
his mistake, he reports the incident to the local ranger.

A week later, he gets a letter in the mail, telling him that he is being
taken to court by the park service. Arriving at court, he explains to the
judge
what happened, and the judge comes to a decision.

"As you didn't kill this protected species intentionally, I don't intend to
send you to prison", the judge says. "However, it is still a serious error
on
your part, and I intend to deal with you by way of a fine, based upon the
body weight of the animal".

"For every one pound of body weight, you will be fined $10". Consulting his
records, the judge finds the weight of the bear, as recorded by the park
services,
and calls for a calculator. After a minute of two, he calls the hunter to
the bench, and gives his judgement; a fine of $9,000.

The representative of the park services jumps to his feet, and approaches
the judge. "Your Honour", he says, "With the greatest respect, I believe you've
made a mistake in your calculations".

"We weighed the animal shortly after it was shot, and it weighed a total of
1000 pounds". "Surely, based on that measurement, the fine should be
$10,000".

The judge looks at the ranger, and says, "I made a calculation, taking into
consideration, the animals' weight, minus its two front paws". Looking
rather
confused, the ranger asks, "but why did you not include the front paws in
your calculation?"

"Because", the judge replies, "Every American has the right to bear arms!"

Life With a True Football Fan

After spending all day Sunday watching football games on television,
a man fell asleep in his lounge chair, spending the entire night in there.

His wife woke him in the morning. "It's twenty to seven," she called.

"In whose favor?"

Magic Penny

My husband and I had just finished tucking our five young ones into bed
one evening when we heard sobbing coming from three-year-old Billy's room.

Rushing to his side, we found him crying hysterically. He had
accidentally swallowed a penny and was sure he was going to die. No
amount of talking could change his mind.

Desperate to calm him, my husband palmed a penny that he happened to
have in his pocket and pretended to pull it from Billy's ear.

Billy was delighted. In a flash, he snatched it from my husband's hand,
swallowed it and demanded cheerfully, "Do it again, Dad!"