One Day In The Forrest

Two robins were sitting on a branch high in a tree. One looked down and saw a field full of worms. Turning to the second bird he said,

"We ought to go down there and eat."

"Good idea," said his friend.

The two of them flew down to the field and ate their fill and then some. When he could eat no more one said to the other, "You know, we ought to stop eating
and fly back to our branch."

Rubbing his belly the second responded, "Yep."

With that they tried to fly to their branch in the tree, but they had eaten too much to get off the ground. The second one said, "Maybe we should just stay
here and relax in the sun." Before long the two birds slept, basking in the afternoon sun.

As they slept, a cat happened upon the field. Seeing the birds, sleeping, and oblivious to his presence, the cat pounced. As feathers settled around him,
the cat rubbed his belly, and said...

"There is nothing better than baskin robbins."

The Baby Calf

A rancher was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his four year-old son standing at the fence, wide-eyed and soaking in the whole event.

The rancher thought to himself, "Great, now I'm gonna have to start explaining the 'birds and bees.' Well, no need to jump the gun... I'll just let him
ask the questions and I'll answer as best I can."

After everything was over, the rancher walked over to his son and said, "Well, son, do you have any questions?"

"Just one," gasped the still wide-eyed lad. "How fast was that calf going when it hit the cow?"

Shopping

A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart's and the
husband picks up a case of Budweiser and put it in their shopping cart.

”What do you think you're doing?” asks the wife.

“They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,” he replies.

“Put them back, we can't afford them,” demands the wife. So he does and
they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream
and put it in the shopping cart.

“What do you think you're doing?” asks the husband.

“Its my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,” replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: “So does 24 cans of Budweiser and its half the price.”

A Burglarized Blonde

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house
ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and
reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call over the
police radio, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the
blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his
dog, then sat down on the steps.

Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my
possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do?
They send me a blind policeman!"

An Adventure on the Golf Course

Gone Golfing

One lovely morning, Ben and Thomas were out golfing. Ben slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment
into the ravine in search of his ball.

Ben searches diligently throught the thick underbrush and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in
fact an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball.

Ben excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: "Hey Thomas, come here, I got big trouble down here."

Thomas comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: "What's the matter Ben?"

Ben shouts back in a nervous voice: "Throw me my 7-iron! Looks like you can't get out of here with an 8-iron."

Adventures with A Preschooler

It was Sunday morning and little Jeffery sat in his Sunday School classroom. As an attempt to get to know her students a little better, the teacher asked him, "Jeffery, how old are you?"

Jeffery just sat there in silence and timidly held up four fingers.

"So, you are four years old," remarked the teacher. "And when will you be five?"

Jeffery finally opened his mouth and stated the obvious. "When I hold out my thumb."

The days, weeks and months passed by and finally the day came. Little Jeffery's mom was tucking him into bed and announced to him. "Tonight you are four years old, but when you wake up in the morning it will be your birthday. Do you know what you will be then?"

Jeffery honestly answered, "I'll be a handful."

Time marched on and soon Jeffery was ready for his first day of school. Both his mom and his teacher tried to help him understand what he would be doing all day in his new environment, away from his mom.

The teacher asked him what he thought his mother would be doing all day with outhim being around at home. His answer was simply, "cartwheels."