First Hunting Trip

Son's First Hunting Trip

A man drove with his 12 year old son to the country one Saturday for his
son's first deer hunt. The man intended to go to an old farmer who he
had know when he was a boy and ask him permission to hunt on his land.

They arrived at the farm just after noon. The boy stayed in the car as
the man went up to talk to the old farmer. The old farmer was happy to
see the man and was happy to have him and his son hunt on his place.

The old farmer also asked the man to do him a favor. He explained that
his mule, which was standing out in front of the house, was very old and
would never make it through the coming winter. He asked the man if he
would please shoot the mule for him, as he couldn't bear to do it
himself. He said, just shoot him and I'll drag him off with the tractor
later. "Sure," the man replied, "no problem."

As he walked back to the car the man decided to play a joke on his son.
He got into the car with a disgusted look on his face, slammed the door
and beat his fist on the steering wheel a couple of times. "I can't
believe it, that old man has deer all over this place that he doesn't
hunt and he won't allow us to hunt them either. We drove all this way
for nothing. I'll show that old fool."

The man then grabbed his rifle, jumped out of the car, and shot the old
mule dead. Just as he was turning to see his son's reaction he heard
BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, from his son's side of the car.

His son yelled, "We showed him, Dad! You killed his mule, and I got his
bull and two cows. Let's get out of here!"

Minnie Pearl's Track Meet

As you know, the RobotComic is a sucker for old corny jokes. Here's a few quips from the queen of corn. Minnie Pearl.

Howdy! I'm just so proud to be here.
Well sir, now i tell you we had a ladies track meet up at grinders switch this here past week.
And i tell you right now, i was right in there with them.
I represented the GylECFNA that stands for the
grinders switch Young Ladies embroidery Crochet and fancy needle work association.
They wanted me to wear all them club letterws on my back, but I said if I wore all them letters, I'd be too tired to run.

Well sir, they gave points for everything. Points for the running race, for the jumping race, potato race and all them races.
I was way behind until the cross country race. And going through the woods back of lem saddlefields place i fell down on a porcupine.
When i stood up again i was ahead with 439 points. Believe me I was just stuck over that.

I might have won the mile run, but just as we was lining up brother was standing over there, and he hollered at me that I had a run in my stocking, so that's what I done, I run in my stockings.
When i found out what brother meant, I wasn't sore, but my feet was.

they had some awful nice prizes. They had a running cup for the best one at running. And a jumping cup for the best one at jumping. And a hurdle cup for the best one at hurdling. But I wanted the loving cup.
That's what I wanted more than anything.

But that last race they had was so silly. Some of those girls up at grinders switch is so bold. I'm glad I'm not that way. They had them all lined up behind jeb fleece. He's supposed to be the hansomest man in town. And they give him a head start. And then the girls set out to run after him. And the first one to catch him, she was gonna get a great big hug and kiss.
Oh it was so disgusting to see all them women just making idiots of themselves over a man.
They'd oughtta knowed I was gonna get there first anyway.

i gotta go but I'll be back.

(transcribed from Grand Ol Opry episode 440617)

Minie Peral Trivia

• Minnie Pearl was the stage name of Sarah Ophelia Colley Cannon (
  
  
• Born: October 25, 1912
  
• Died: March 4, 1996).
  
• First performed as Minie Pearl in 1939.
  
• First Grand Ol Opry appearance in 1940.
  

Last Rites

A priest was preparing a man for his journey into the beyond. Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil."
 
The dying man said nothing.
 
The priest repeated his order.
 
Still the dying man said nothing.
 
The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?"
 
The dying man said, "Until I know where I'm heading, I don't think I ought to aggravate anybody."
 

Hunting Emergency

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses and stops
breathing. The other pulls out his mobile phone and dials 911. He gasps: "My
friend
is dead! "What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down - I can help. First,
let's make sure he's dead." Silence, then the sound of a gunshot. The hunter
comes back on the line: "Ok - now what?"

The Texas Kindergarten Teacher

Did you hear about the Texas Teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots? He asked for help and she could see why. Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. Finally, when the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost cried when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet."
 
She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the right feet.
 
He then announced, "These aren't my boots."
 
She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet.
 
No sooner than they got the boots off he said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear 'em."
 
Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry, but she mustered up the grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again.
 
Helping him into his coat, she asked, "Now, where are your mittens?"
 
He said, "I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots"
 

Expensive Perfume

A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling like
expensive perfume. She turns to the old Italian woman on the elevator
with her and says arrogantly, "Giorgio - Beverly Hills , $100 an ounce!"

Another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator and also smells
of very expensive perfume. She arrogantly turns to the old Italian woman
and says, "Chanel No. 5, $150 an ounce!"

About three floors later, the old Italian woman has reached her
destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves,
looks both beautiful women in the eye, turns, bends over, and farts.
"Broccoli - 49 cents a pound."