If You Hate Your Job

When you have an "I hate my job" day try this:
 
On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section. You will need to purchase a rectal thermometer made by "Q-Tip." Be very sure that you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the drapes, and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed during your therapy.
 
Change to very comfortable clothing, such as a sweat suit and lie down on your bed. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Carefully place it on the bedside table so that it will not become chipped or broken.
 
Take out the written material that accompanies the thermometer and read it. You will notice that in small print there is a statement: "Every rectal thermometer made by Q-tip is personally tested."
 
Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, "I am so glad I do NOT work in Quality Control at the Q-tip Company."

--Here's a bonus one liner to help make up for the lack of posting lately.


My friend is engaged in a major custody battle.
 
His wife doesn't want him and his mother won't take him back.

Holy Gasoline

Sister Mary, who worked for a home health agency, was out
making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran
out of gas. As luck would have it, a gas station was just a
block away.

She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some
gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned
had been lent out, but she could wait until it was returned.

Since the nun was on the way to see a patient, she decided
not to wait and walked back to her car. She looked for
something in her car that she could fill with gas and
spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient

Always resourceful, she carried the bedpan to the station,
filled it with gas, and carried the full bedpan back to her
car.

As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two men watched
from across the street. One of the them turned to the other
and said, "If it starts, I'm turning Catholic."


The Ark, The Shroud and Mary

By Philip Gardiner
In this unique and thought-provoking work, Gardiner proves that the Ark of the Covenant, the Shroud of Turin, and Mary are united in ways never before imagined...

Bulletin Bloopers

• Although the bus for the senior group's church outing was
  scheduled to leave at 5:30, organizers were afraid stragglers
  would delay the trip. So to make sure no one's fun was ruined, our
  church bulletin urged one and all to "Come early and get loaded."
  
  
• From a lyric sheet: "What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and
  briefs to bear."
  
  

• Support group meeting postponed: "There will be no Moms Who Care this
  week."
  
  

• "Father, we just want to pray for our unloved saved ones."
  
  

• The Overeater's Anonymous Group will meet at 8:00 in the large room.
  
  

• Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding.
  
  

• We pray that our people will jumble themselves.
  
  

• Hymn: Crown Him With Many Crows
  
  

• "Child Care provided with reservations."
  
  

• Janet Smith has volunteered to strip and refinish the communion table in
  the sanctuary.
  
  

• Scripture: "I was hungry and you gave me something to eat; I was thirty
  and you gave me something to drink."
  
  

• The Honeymooners Group is now having Bile Studies each Tuesday evening at
  7:30p.m.
  
  

• Pray that a food foundation will be laid in the lives of our teens.
  
  

• We are always happy to let you sue our facility.
  

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