Real Rules of Driving

• 
  Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right.
  
  

• Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions, and are apparently not enforceable during rush hour.
  
  

• Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think
  he can go faster in your spot.
  
  

• Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident, or even if someone is just changing a tire.
  
  

• Throwing litter on the roads adds color to the landscape and gives Adopt-a-Highway crews something to clean up.
  
  

• It is assumed that state police cars passing at high speed may be followed in the event you need to make up a few minutes on your way to work, or the
  beach.
  
  

• Remember that the goal of every good driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.
  
  

• Real female drivers can put on pantyhose, apply eye makeup, and balance the checkbook at seventy-five miles per hour during a snowstorm in bumper-to-bumper
  traffic.